man your battle stations, we'll have you dead pretty soon

[tadeadshi]

[Panic had run straight through his core when he knew someone had found their safe house. It'd been the best one yet, they had managed to stay there for months now, but it really was too good to last. They still had so much to find and clean up, he wasn't ready. He grabs his bag, the one he kept packed for if they had to run fast, and made for the door but stopped just outside.

It was them. It was the Six, they'd found him and Callaghan. He's not sure how, Callaghan's mods to his collar had jammed their trackers so... It must be something else they used. But if they're here then they could help. They could take over this mess, and he could go home.

Maybe.

Tadashi's throat's gone dry with the dirt and dust kicked up from their landing and scuffle with Callaghan off to the side and he stands watching, swallowing the lump in his throat. Callaghan, that's right, he-- He'd done so much to get them out, he couldn't let the guy just be taken back to prison, he'd be killed from the inside --

He makes a run towards the group, waving and trying to call out but any sound he makes drowned by the shouting.]

Comments

[microbrobotics]

[ Hiro hesitates. He wants to give his brother space, but it looks like Tadashi might fall over - he has to do something. So he stays low to the ground, hesitantly reaching his good arm out. He'll place it on Tadashi's forearm if his brother lets him. It's all he can do. ]

I forgive you, okay? So try to forgive yourself. And - and maybe you can't fix it, but you can still help.

[ He'd probably sound more convincing if he weren't on the verge of tears, but he tries anyway. ]

[tadeadshi]

[Probably. And Tadashi would probably be more inclined to listen if those months weren't replaying in his mind's eye, like a spectator watching from the videos trying to gauge what Hiro saw. He freezes when he feels Hiro's touch but doesn't move away. Like his mind stuck in a hellish loop --

And then he's moving, reaching for a trash can to be sick in. It's too much.]

[microbrobotics]

[ Ah. Well, he can help with that at least. He shoves it closer, then holds the can in place so nothing gets on the floor. Incidentally letting go of his brother too, to give him some space. ]

Take it easy ...

[tadeadshi]

[It's a few minutes before he can get a solid breath. Not a good one, but something more than desperate gasps between heaving.

Upset stomachs during upsetting times runs in the family, it seems.

Eventually, the dry heaving stops, leaving Tadashi to lean against the desk on the floor. What did he to to deserve this? What did he do for any of them to deserve this?

Right.

Ran into that damned burning building and started all of this. He wipes at his mouth, trying to ignore the tears in the corners of his eyes.]

Suh-sorry.

[microbrobotics]

[ He'll take anything he can get at this point. For the moment, he just keeps the trashcan close, ignoring the chaos of his own thoughts to focus on that. Get Tadashi a little more sane first. Then they can deal with the rest. ]

Hey, you did better than me after the teacup ride.

[tadeadshi]

Y'had motion sickness, twerp.

[It'd almost sound smart-ass matter-of-fact if he didn't sound so miserable. He can't... deal with his brother knowing. He never intended his brother to know the worst of it. Tadashi had planned eventually to tell Hiro he was stuck with the mob and had to design things, but not the rest. But he knows, and he's disgusted in his own body and why would Hiro even want to be near his brother knowing what he knows?

He leans against the desk more, curling into himself as much as it allows.]

Been a while since I wa-as sick.

[microbrobotics]

[ That goes straight through his heart as sure as a bullet. For his brother to sound so close to what he used to be, and yet so far ... He can barely bear it. And if this is the amount of revulsion that his brother shows just knowing about Hiro's involvement as One, then how much worse it going to be if he ever finds out what Hiro did last night?

Hiro resolves never, ever to tell him. No matter what.

It hurts more to see his brother curled in on himself, on top of everything else. There has to be something he can do, but he just doesn't know what. Instead, he slowly reaches out a hand again. Leaning closer, if he can. Trying to stay within sight. ]

Sucks, doesn't it?

[ His tone is a bit wavery, despite his best efforts. ]

[tadeadshi]

Y-yeah...

[And then there's a hand reaching for him and he sees it in his peripheral. Tries to be discrete in how he leans further away from it - it's hot, too hot, his skin feels like it's on fire, so he instead starts pulling off his hoodie, try not to be obvious that he just doesn't want to be touched now.

And he's on the wrong side of the room. Hiro's side, the heroic side. In one shaky motion, he's up again, tossing his hoodie into the hamper and moving back to his corner of the attic.]

You're-- You're him. One.

[microbrobotics]

[ Hiro lets his hand drop silently. Right. Better not try and touch him, then. He swallows a bit and ducks his head. ]

... Yeah. That's me.

[tadeadshi]

[Tadashi finally finds himself sitting on the edge of his bed watching his brother carefully. Exhausted and drained and still shaking from being sick but...

He could definitely talk to his brother easily... if he didn't know it was his brother. Or see his face at least? Maybe that was the key. He never had any problem talking to One, so the 'why' is up in the air for now. He looks down at his hands, the scars around his wrists. His voice comes out a faint whisper:]

... I was going to tell you. Promise I was.

[microbrobotics]

[ Was he? When he was behind the mask, he'd gotten more of the opposite impression: that Tadashi couldn't tell his brother anything. Unfair to point that out, though. ]

Now you don't need to. Isn't that easier?

[tadeadshi]

[He watches Hiro, then slowly begins to shake his head until he just lowers it into his hands.]

No-- I-i don't know. You shouldn't've had to see..

[microbrobotics]

... It's too late, Tadashi. I can't take it back. All we can do is ... is try to find ways to heal.

[tadeadshi]

I-i--

[His stomach lurches and he brings one knee up to try and curl in on himself a little to help contain it.

Right. Heal. That's what he's being told to do. He doesn't know if he can, though. Heel on the other hand.]

Yeah.

[microbrobotics]

[ Hiro falls silent for a moment. For all his talk about fixing things, he has no idea what to do himself. And he doesn't dare breathe a word about what happened tonight, in case it worsens his brother's condition... ]

We can take it slow. It doesn't have to happen all at once.

[tadeadshi]

[He simply nods. It's easier... to let his brother call the shots now, isn't it? If he knows, then he doesn't have to fight to be what he was before. Not only that, but after everything he's done, everything he's made that hurt his brother, what right does he have to not do what he's asked?

He lowers his cheek to rest on his knee, keeping his eyes low.]

All right.

[microbrobotics]

[ Is that ... better? His brother seems calmer, but ... He's not sure he likes this new, more withdrawn posture. ]

And - and you don't have to do everything I say either.

[tadeadshi]

[Well. That's a bit of a problem, deciding to do just that and now being told he doesn't have to.

What then?

He slowly looks back up to him, his eyes just tired and almost hollow. He messed up, lil bro. He messed up so badly and you're the one that paid for it.]

I don't know what else to do.

[microbrobotics]

[ There's a lot of payment happening on both sides, okay. He rubs a bit at his face. ]

What do you want to do? I - [ He swallows. ] - I've been lying to you, aren't you mad?

[tadeadshi]

[He shakes his head, blinking back tears. He'd been doing so well.]

I don't-- I don't know.

[microbrobotics]

Then - then be mad. Find out. Just yell at me!

[ He's getting a little hysterical here, just trying to grab Tadashi mentally before he retreats further. ]

[tadeadshi]

[His expression shifts, like a shockwave gone through him and he looks so hurt. Maybe before the fire, maybe before the bot fight, any other time...]

Why would I yell? I-- I hurt you.

[microbrobotics]

Your weapons hurt me! That's not he same thing as you hurting me! And it's not permanent!

[ He tries to keep his voice level, but it spikes kind of hard on that last word. Because he knows it's not true; that arm is messed up for the rest of his life. ]

[tadeadshi]

[He visibly winces at the raise in tone, brings his other leg up so he can rest his elbows on his knees and sink fingers into his hair to keep his head down, his words tumbling out faster than his mind can keep up.]

Sorry-- I'm sorry. I- I made what hurt you, it's my fault, I made them, I-i designed them, it's my fault, I'm sorry--

[microbrobotics]

[ No no no he's screwing this up. All the hysteria immediately drops away from his voice, leaving him subdued but still upset. This isn't working. He's making this worse, isn't he. ]

It's not your fault. They'd have done worse things without you.