man your battle stations, we'll have you dead pretty soon

[tadeadshi]

[Panic had run straight through his core when he knew someone had found their safe house. It'd been the best one yet, they had managed to stay there for months now, but it really was too good to last. They still had so much to find and clean up, he wasn't ready. He grabs his bag, the one he kept packed for if they had to run fast, and made for the door but stopped just outside.

It was them. It was the Six, they'd found him and Callaghan. He's not sure how, Callaghan's mods to his collar had jammed their trackers so... It must be something else they used. But if they're here then they could help. They could take over this mess, and he could go home.

Maybe.

Tadashi's throat's gone dry with the dirt and dust kicked up from their landing and scuffle with Callaghan off to the side and he stands watching, swallowing the lump in his throat. Callaghan, that's right, he-- He'd done so much to get them out, he couldn't let the guy just be taken back to prison, he'd be killed from the inside --

He makes a run towards the group, waving and trying to call out but any sound he makes drowned by the shouting.]

Comments

[pushtheboundaries]

[no. no. nonononono- he swallows down what tastes like bile and forces himself steady, even as he obediently raises his hand to surrender the weapon]

...I can finish.

[there's a hint of a plea there; none of Callaghan's personas beg. even this is a stretch, but he can't fail, he isn't allowed to fail, he has to succeed he can't let himself- he can't-]

[microbrobotics]

[ God. That plea in his voice ... The man had worked for Yama, right? What did failure mean for someone in that position? It couldn't possibly have been pleasant, Hiro knew that already, but ... In that moment, the thought crystallizes instantly: Callaghan was irrevocably damaged by this experience too. Just not to the same extent as his brother. And after seeing how close the two are now, Hiro can't help the spike of pity. For Callaghan, a man he used to hate more than anyone in the world...

A man he doesn't hate at all, any more.

He just shakes his head, the movement gentler now. And just this once, he switches off the modulator. Still comm-only, so it won't leak out to the outside, but normally he doesn't even take that chance. ]

It's okay. Just wait for me outside, okay? When I'm done, we'll leave.

[pushtheboundaries]

[not to the same extent- and certainly not in the same direction. but there's an edge of something to Robert now, something that's only slightly soothed by Hiro's understanding and calm. he's able to place the weapon in the outstretched hand with only a bit of lingering hesitation, and the slow draw back of his hand still seems a bit uncertain...

but then he turns and runs, triggering the stealth cloak as he does. it seems he at least has enough together to do what he can to avoid further provocation failure trouble.]

[microbrobotics]

[ Good. Small mercies, at this point; he can only hope that Callaghan doesn't take the opportunity to disappear into the night. He could do so very easily if he chose to give up the suit. But ... Maybe at this point, it doesn't matter. Their work is nearly done; they've cleaned out most of the mafia nests already, with only a few remaining after this mission is over. The Six can take care of it either way.

But he's not done here yet. There are still three men - three abominations that need to be destroyed. Thinking of them as something other than human is the only thing that keeps him moving forward. He'll keep this simple, efficient. Sneak up behind them with his stealth functions. Shock them into dazed wakefulness. And then, once he has their attention - when they know why they are being punished ... Even then, Hiro hesitates for a moment. His hands tremble as the knife blade descends on the first one's jugular.

After that, it's just quick and silent. Any more on his list, he doesn't even bother to keep them awake. Knockout, then knife. It's all over within minutes, at most. And then he makes his way back outside.

He's trembling desperately inside his suit, but outside there's no sign, save for the slight wavering of the knife in his hand. Blood streaking his faceplate, covering most of his bad arm. It's done. He's crossed a line he told himself he would never cross, a line that would make him into a monster for good - but all of his brother's rapists are dead. He tells himself that, if anything was worth becoming a monster over, it was that.

For now, he's just outside the building again. Looking to see if Callaghan is still there. And trying to choke back the bile rising in his throat, breath rattling loudly over the comm. ]

[pushtheboundaries]

[he doesn't go far. long experience, both before, during, and after Yama, has given Robert a knack for finding spaces he can take shelter within. he finds one now, a small space that cramps a grown man like him, especially wearing armor- but it's a place where he can pull off the helmet, suck air in to his lungs, and for at least a few minutes, struggle to not be sick.

he doesn't completely succeed, but he swallows it back down, puts his face in his hands, and breathes.

this isn't a safe place by any means, but it's a place where he can let the shaky walls down so that he can build them back up as quickly as he can. it takes a few more minutes, but he finally does. and when he puts the helmet back on, he hears Hiro's breathing.

god, what has his weakness cost this boy, the one whom he promised himself that he'd take the blood for?...forcing him to clean up after him. despicable.

Robert swallows again before speaking, and when he does, his voice is quiet;]

If you need to be sick, there's a sewer grate over here. On your five.

[microbrobotics]

[ Hiro just shakes his head, weakly. He can't risk taking his helmet off, even for a moment; he'd rather throw up inside of it than potentially link himself to this - this crime that he's committed. For his brother's sake, if nothing else. ]

Not here. [ His voice is hoarse and it's not just from the modulation. ] We need to leave, now.

[ The rest of it ... the rest of it can wait until they've gotten back to Callaghan's guest house. And then he can decide what to do with himself. What a murderer like himself deserves after all this. ]

[pushtheboundaries]

[...

what can he even say to that? he nods, getting up - by now, any trembling is under control - and follows Hiro's lead, silent for the trip back. he knows he wrecked things; he knows he can't fix it. he knows there's repercussions bigger than himself, bigger than even Hiro, because now he's scarred both brothers in ways he'd never wanted to...

all because of a fire.

all because of a single mistake.]

[microbrobotics]

[ Your mistake, Callaghan. Now you've irrevocably two young men who should have been your star pupils. Funny how the world changes on a dime.

He says nothing all through the walk back. An occasional glance back to make sure they aren't followed - but they were thorough. Everyone was dead or knocked out, and their comms are down. IT'll be hours beefore they can talk to anyone else about this, and by then they'll be long gone. Meanwhile, Hiro just ... continues to breathe, slowly. Trying to stay calm. Briefly, he considers not going home at all after this. How can he face his brother when he has blood on his hands...? That thought pulls the rest of the world down around him, grays it out to nothingness.

But his brother would hurt worse if he didn't come home, even as a murderer. So he has to find a way to live with this, one way or another.

He stops just outside Callaghan's guesthouse. ]

Suit off. I'm destroying both of them.

[pushtheboundaries]

[destroying the suits. so much for his thought to promise that this won't happen again; it's utterly unnecessary, it seems. Callaghan obediently reaches up to remove the helmet, pulling it off his head with a heavy breath. perhaps it's for the best...]

...come inside for a minute.

[it's not- quite- an order. he doesn't give One orders. but as he looks over his shoulder, he's not...quite...talking to One right now.]

[microbrobotics]

[ He's still got the blueprints; he'll remake them if he has to. Probably will for Callaghan if he's going to do any more fighting. But for now, it's more important that the evidence be completely destroyed.

He freezes for a moment at that. Then - a short nod, stepping inside, but he doesn't move to take off his blood-spattered helmet. It'a a defense now, a way to stay in this faceless persona as long as he can. As soon as he takes it off he'll have to deal with this as Hiro, not One ... ]

[pushtheboundaries]

[oh, Hiro.

Callaghan may not have been able to keep himself together long enough to finish the job- but he does know a thing or two about...debriefing, for lack of a better sense. he watches One deliberately not unmask, and maybe he won't until he's elsewhere, but...]

Tell me how it went.

[again, that not-quite-order. but there's a bit more sureness in it, now. it's still not much...but it's there, a quiet, gentle strength as he begins to remove his own armor.]

[microbrobotics]

[ This is the worst way to bond, just so you know. For a moment, it looks like Hiro won't answer; he doesn't want to, and when he steels himself to say something, anything, he can't find the words. So the first few tumble out awkwardly, unsure, as his shoulders begin to shake. ]

Fast. Easy. Easier than knocking them out.

[pushtheboundaries]

[he knows, Hiro. he knows it's the worst, and that Hiro doesn't want to answer, and that this is going to hurt. and that this could backfire, but right now, he's willing to take the risk.

he tosses the limb armor on to the table, then reaches up with his bare arm to touch Hiro's shoulder.]

And?

[let it out.]

[microbrobotics]

[ He's stiff as a board even underneath the armor, but he allows the gesture. Endures it, even if he's not comforted by it. He's not sure which it is, himself. ]

The last three men on our list. First one I dazed. Killed him while he was awake. Didn't bother with the other two. Knocked them out, then slit their throats.

[ It sounds foreign, it sounds wrong, it's - it's too much all of a sudden. He staggers back from Callaghan - partially to get away from him, from any human contact - and partially to get this helmet off right the hell now. He only barely shoves it off his face before he grabs for the trashcan in here. Having at least enough semblance of mind to throw up in there rather than directly on Cal's floor. ]

[pushtheboundaries]

[better here than somewhere Tadashi could hear. where his friends could hear. Robert pulls back his hand for just a moment, just to be sure what's going on - and then, slowly, moves forwards to rest that hand on Hiro's back. he's not sure if the pressure can be felt, or if the gesture will even be appreciated, but even so;

let it out.]

...I'm sorry. I wanted to protect you from this, and I wasn't...good enough.

[microbrobotics]

[ He continues to retch into the wastebasket until there's nothing but bile left. Then he trembles and shivers under Callaghan's hand. Would it have been better if Callaghan had killed him? That was the idea, wasn't it? So that Hiro wouldn't do it himself?

No. He shakes his head, slowly. When he speaks again, his voice is so very small. No longer toughened by the modulation. Just a kid's - a sixteen-year-old boy who just murdered three people. ]

I - I'm already guilty. I told you to kill the rest, so ...

[ He trails off. Just because he didn't kill the others directly doesn't mean he isn't responsible for their deaths. ]

[pushtheboundaries]

[he'd hope Hiro would avoid that connection, but it's made now, and the responsibility is taken, and nothing Callaghan can think of will free him of that burden. his fingers curl on Hiro's back, and then he sighs, slowly sinking down in to an awkward sort of sit next to Hiro.]

If I had been able to finish before you found us, then we wouldn't be having this conversation.

[but here they are. and he's still sort of making those small motions on Hiro's back, because he knows that's not going to be of any comfort]

They hurt more than just your brother.

[microbrobotics]

[ It's not hurting, at least, even if it's not comforting either. Eventually the gagging stops; he wipes at his mouth and sits back on his heels, leaning ever-so-slightly into Callaghan's hand. The tears that have been threatening to fall all evening start to roll down his cheeks in big, messy drops. ]

We found you early. Messed up your plan.

[ And then he pauses. Not quite taking the meaning that Callaghan means there. ]

... They hurt you too.

[pushtheboundaries]

You didn't know, and I did nothing to change that.

[if Hiro lets things out here, he figures, then he'll be able to make it home without breaking, and his support net there can pick up the rest of the pieces without necessarily having reason to suspect it was anything but a very stressful night. maybe a nightmare, even.

Hiro's words have him hesitate. they didn't- per se, not in the way he thinks Hiro's suggesting. but...]

...that's not what I meant. I can take it. But people like that...they find the ones who can't.

[microbrobotics]

[ Like his brother. The whole reason why they're here tonight. The thought of them doing that to someone else, as well ... Is that comforting? He's not sure. He just feels sick and wrong and broken inside. There's not much room for anything else. ]

Now they can't hurt anyone else.

[pushtheboundaries]

Except you.

[by cutting off what pain they would have caused, Hiro's instead taking that pain in to himself. a different kind of pain, but it's there.

it's not fair. if anyone,Callaghan should be bearing that burden, and Hiro could at least blame him in part. now...

now he just looks at Hiro, regarding him steadily.]

[microbrobotics]

[ Like an arrow with the shaft broken off, the head left to fester deep inside of him. He doesn't know how he can bear it - he doesn't know how anyone could. ]

How? How do you live with yourself?

[pushtheboundaries]

...because my only other option is to not.

[the admission is quiet, and not something he's even shared with Tadashi. it's not fully admitting it, either, at least not saying it aloud, but by the way he pulls his hand back, the way he wipes at his face...

that's something, all right. he lowers his hand and lets it fall in to his lap, considering leaving things like that.

instead, he speaks again.]

...when I had my chance to convince Yama I was willing to work for him, I had to work with some of those men. And...others. I had to make myself at least civil with them, because Yama only allowed so much infighting. So I found ways to make myself numb, telling myself over and over it was so I could set things up so that Tadashi and I could escape from that place.

I made myself numb to a lot of things. [he blinks down at his hands, palm-up in his lap, and then closes them slowly] I told myself I had to, that it'd all be worth it in the end if I just...if I just did them right and didn't mess up.

[like tonight. he squeezes his hands, then relaxes them, letting out a shaking breath]

...Back in there, you asked what Abigail would think. I think...if she knew what I'd allowed to happen, and what I'd done, she'd probably think I was as bad as any of them. And...I think she'd be right.

[microbrobotics]

[ He falls silent through all of that. The only other option is to not. He's had the same thought, come to the same conclusion; he can't go through with the alternative, so he has to figure out something else. Something that includes him continuing onwards. And the rest ... god. His shoulders hitch in revulsion, involuntarily; as horrible as all of that was, at least he hadn't worked with those bastards. That thought makes him want to be sick again.

They're all dead now, anyway. It doesn't matter any more. They're done ... He exhales hard and wipes at his face with the heel of one hand. ]

She would be. About both of us. [ Dull, toneless. ] ... We're never telling either of them about this.

[pushtheboundaries]

[to that? that Callaghan can only offer a sharp, humorless laugh, reaching for Hiro's shoulder]

She might be a bit disappointed, but- you're not numb, Hiro, and I hope you never become that way. I don't know how I can undo this, because until I do, I couldn't bear to look at her.

I hate to say it, but as long as you hate it...you're no monster. It's when it becomes easy that you need to look at yourself.

[he squeezes that shoulder, then starts to get up]

I'll get you some water.