man your battle stations, we'll have you dead pretty soon

[tadeadshi]

[Panic had run straight through his core when he knew someone had found their safe house. It'd been the best one yet, they had managed to stay there for months now, but it really was too good to last. They still had so much to find and clean up, he wasn't ready. He grabs his bag, the one he kept packed for if they had to run fast, and made for the door but stopped just outside.

It was them. It was the Six, they'd found him and Callaghan. He's not sure how, Callaghan's mods to his collar had jammed their trackers so... It must be something else they used. But if they're here then they could help. They could take over this mess, and he could go home.

Maybe.

Tadashi's throat's gone dry with the dirt and dust kicked up from their landing and scuffle with Callaghan off to the side and he stands watching, swallowing the lump in his throat. Callaghan, that's right, he-- He'd done so much to get them out, he couldn't let the guy just be taken back to prison, he'd be killed from the inside --

He makes a run towards the group, waving and trying to call out but any sound he makes drowned by the shouting.]

Comments

[tadeadshi]

[At the words and movement, Tadashi immediately lets go. Takes a step back even. His brother doesn't want to be touched, understood. Not a request, not a suggestion, but an out right order. But he can't do anything about the barely concealed pain in his expression. He knows it now. Tadashi knows he hurt his brother, however indirectly. He did this to his brother.

He staggers back another step, the realization hitting him hard as he sits back in Hiro's bed.]

[microbrobotics]

[ The exact thing Hiro wanted to avoid in all this mess: for Tadashi to realize what he was inadvertently responsible for. And now his brother knows. He couldn't keep his brother safe from this one, simple thing ...

He shoves the sleeve back down, bowing his head. He can't bear to look at Tadashi. Can't bear to face him now, can't even lie to his face anymore. ]

I fell out of a tree. The big tree, the one in the middle of campus. I told you how dumb it was.

[ Gravity. ]

[tadeadshi]

I--

I did this.

[His voice is quiet and hurt and he's thinking to every thing he's made, everything that could have and probably was used against Hiro, everything that's hurt him. He covers his mouth as he mentally checks off each one.

And then something else hits him: Hiro knows. Hiro, as One, knows what happened.

Reviewed the security footage.

Hiro not only knows, but s a w.

For the first time in ages, he feels sick. Sick and disgusted and no idea what he should do, but he can't stand being in his own skin for the first time since those first few months in that place. Now he can't look his brother in the face either; he needs to move but if he stands he's sure he'll be sick but he has to move]

[microbrobotics]

[ Tadashi's words hit Hiro like a physical blow. He flinches, hard, and then ... Then what? It's over, isn't it? His brother knows. There's no lie in the world that will convince him otherwise now.

Now he has to make sure that the information doesn't break him. Shift gears, control what damage he can now. If this is what breaks his brother, after everything else they've gone through and the progress made so far ... That thought forces him to look up again, to look into his brother's expression.

It's worse than he thought. Tadashi looks physically ill, like he's realized something else on top of the obvious guilt for shattering Hiro's arm. It's not much of a leap to go from the arm to the rest of the weapons; Hiro can only assume that's what his brother is thinking of. He doesn't make the connection to the security tapes just yet. What does he say? Can he say anything that won't hurt?

He swallows, hard, and moves in front of his brother. Gets down on his knees in front of him, a mirror of Tadashi's own position when he first arrived home. Then, slowly but surely, he reaches for Tadashi's hand. ]

It's not your fault. You didn't - they're the ones who used the weapons.

[tadeadshi]

[He almost doesn't notice his brother so close. Almost doesn't realize he's reaching until Hiro's hand is on top of his. Then he's jerking away, climbing back into the bed to go around and off. Not daring to take his eyes off him now.

Definitely nauseous.

Definitely going to be sick but he has to fight it down.]

N-no, I- Hiro. I did, I made them, and you-- you saw.

[microbrobotics]

[ Oh. Oh. That's what has his brother so spooked. Hiro reluctantly withdraws his hand, lets his brother retreat. This is all wrong. He's messed this up and he can't even retreat back into being One to try and fix things. But he can't deny it either, not when he's already confirmed it as his alter ego.

In a quiet, small voice: ]

I saw. I know everything.

[tadeadshi]

[No -- no nonono this isn't how this was supposed to go. His brother wasn't supposed to know, not ever know, but he not only has the information but saw it all too. It's almost too much, he almost loses his stomach right there, backed up against his brother's desk. He was going to tell him. Maybe? Eventually. Possibly leaving out some details, but this isn't how he wanted Hiro to know why he's anxious now. Why follows even the most subtle of suggestions, why any of it.

What is he even supposed to say? What do you say?]

You weren't supposed to...

[microbrobotics]

[ He bows his head again, his good hand clenching into a fist against his his knee. Not moving forward an inch, so that Tadashi has as much space as he can get. Even though all he desperately wants to do now is go to his brother and - and do something. Be more comforting. He wishes, again, that he could just retreat into being One. One would know what to do. ]

I know. I didn't ... I didn't want to see it either, but ...

[ He lets himself look up tentatively. ]

But this is what I do now. I'm not ... I'm not the little brother you thought you still had. Never will be.

[tadeadshi]

[Everything is turning way too fast and Tadashi has to grip the edge of Hiro's desk to stay up right or he'll be straight on the floor. Never will be, the words go right through him back to that conversation he had with On--no. His brother. He'd been talking to his brother the entire time about not knowing what to do to fix things with his brother, every other conversation he's had with One.

None of this is right. And he can't fix it, he can't fix what he's done or what's happened to him or what his brother knows--

He sinks down to sit on the floor against the desk drawers, covering his mouth. Try to keep himself from being sick.]

Y-your arm. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[microbrobotics]

[ Hiro hesitates. He wants to give his brother space, but it looks like Tadashi might fall over - he has to do something. So he stays low to the ground, hesitantly reaching his good arm out. He'll place it on Tadashi's forearm if his brother lets him. It's all he can do. ]

I forgive you, okay? So try to forgive yourself. And - and maybe you can't fix it, but you can still help.

[ He'd probably sound more convincing if he weren't on the verge of tears, but he tries anyway. ]

[tadeadshi]

[Probably. And Tadashi would probably be more inclined to listen if those months weren't replaying in his mind's eye, like a spectator watching from the videos trying to gauge what Hiro saw. He freezes when he feels Hiro's touch but doesn't move away. Like his mind stuck in a hellish loop --

And then he's moving, reaching for a trash can to be sick in. It's too much.]

[microbrobotics]

[ Ah. Well, he can help with that at least. He shoves it closer, then holds the can in place so nothing gets on the floor. Incidentally letting go of his brother too, to give him some space. ]

Take it easy ...

[tadeadshi]

[It's a few minutes before he can get a solid breath. Not a good one, but something more than desperate gasps between heaving.

Upset stomachs during upsetting times runs in the family, it seems.

Eventually, the dry heaving stops, leaving Tadashi to lean against the desk on the floor. What did he to to deserve this? What did he do for any of them to deserve this?

Right.

Ran into that damned burning building and started all of this. He wipes at his mouth, trying to ignore the tears in the corners of his eyes.]

Suh-sorry.

[microbrobotics]

[ He'll take anything he can get at this point. For the moment, he just keeps the trashcan close, ignoring the chaos of his own thoughts to focus on that. Get Tadashi a little more sane first. Then they can deal with the rest. ]

Hey, you did better than me after the teacup ride.

[tadeadshi]

Y'had motion sickness, twerp.

[It'd almost sound smart-ass matter-of-fact if he didn't sound so miserable. He can't... deal with his brother knowing. He never intended his brother to know the worst of it. Tadashi had planned eventually to tell Hiro he was stuck with the mob and had to design things, but not the rest. But he knows, and he's disgusted in his own body and why would Hiro even want to be near his brother knowing what he knows?

He leans against the desk more, curling into himself as much as it allows.]

Been a while since I wa-as sick.

[microbrobotics]

[ That goes straight through his heart as sure as a bullet. For his brother to sound so close to what he used to be, and yet so far ... He can barely bear it. And if this is the amount of revulsion that his brother shows just knowing about Hiro's involvement as One, then how much worse it going to be if he ever finds out what Hiro did last night?

Hiro resolves never, ever to tell him. No matter what.

It hurts more to see his brother curled in on himself, on top of everything else. There has to be something he can do, but he just doesn't know what. Instead, he slowly reaches out a hand again. Leaning closer, if he can. Trying to stay within sight. ]

Sucks, doesn't it?

[ His tone is a bit wavery, despite his best efforts. ]

[tadeadshi]

Y-yeah...

[And then there's a hand reaching for him and he sees it in his peripheral. Tries to be discrete in how he leans further away from it - it's hot, too hot, his skin feels like it's on fire, so he instead starts pulling off his hoodie, try not to be obvious that he just doesn't want to be touched now.

And he's on the wrong side of the room. Hiro's side, the heroic side. In one shaky motion, he's up again, tossing his hoodie into the hamper and moving back to his corner of the attic.]

You're-- You're him. One.

[microbrobotics]

[ Hiro lets his hand drop silently. Right. Better not try and touch him, then. He swallows a bit and ducks his head. ]

... Yeah. That's me.

[tadeadshi]

[Tadashi finally finds himself sitting on the edge of his bed watching his brother carefully. Exhausted and drained and still shaking from being sick but...

He could definitely talk to his brother easily... if he didn't know it was his brother. Or see his face at least? Maybe that was the key. He never had any problem talking to One, so the 'why' is up in the air for now. He looks down at his hands, the scars around his wrists. His voice comes out a faint whisper:]

... I was going to tell you. Promise I was.

[microbrobotics]

[ Was he? When he was behind the mask, he'd gotten more of the opposite impression: that Tadashi couldn't tell his brother anything. Unfair to point that out, though. ]

Now you don't need to. Isn't that easier?

[tadeadshi]

[He watches Hiro, then slowly begins to shake his head until he just lowers it into his hands.]

No-- I-i don't know. You shouldn't've had to see..

[microbrobotics]

... It's too late, Tadashi. I can't take it back. All we can do is ... is try to find ways to heal.

[tadeadshi]

I-i--

[His stomach lurches and he brings one knee up to try and curl in on himself a little to help contain it.

Right. Heal. That's what he's being told to do. He doesn't know if he can, though. Heel on the other hand.]

Yeah.

[microbrobotics]

[ Hiro falls silent for a moment. For all his talk about fixing things, he has no idea what to do himself. And he doesn't dare breathe a word about what happened tonight, in case it worsens his brother's condition... ]

We can take it slow. It doesn't have to happen all at once.

[tadeadshi]

[He simply nods. It's easier... to let his brother call the shots now, isn't it? If he knows, then he doesn't have to fight to be what he was before. Not only that, but after everything he's done, everything he's made that hurt his brother, what right does he have to not do what he's asked?

He lowers his cheek to rest on his knee, keeping his eyes low.]

All right.